No more

It's strange how time changes us. In time we do things we never thought we'd do, we say things we never imagined we'd say and we love people we never knew we could love. It happened to us as well.

I remember when we were young, just a couple of teenagers, we used to hate each other. Couldn't stand the sight of one another. We used to spit threats and insults towards the other. Several times we even got to the physical violence. It was pure hatred  I remember I saw it reflect from your eyes. My loath for you mixed with your hate for me in your deep blue eyes.....

Time passed. I saw you doing something...something that meant a lot to me, even though I hated you. Or it was something that you didn't do really....But at that moment I said to myself: "He might not be that bad after all!" I wanted to let you know what I was thinking, but you were gone and I couldn't find you...anywhere. I let it go. Or so thought.

Suddenly everyone was talking about you...they were saying that they've seen you. They were talking about what happened between you and your father...how you were disowned because you chose not to be like him. I thought it was regular gossip. However, I was wrong as I found out when our paths crossed again.

It was hard to recognize you. You had grown, you looked tired and worn out and you didn't have that famous smirk on your face. All I could see was sadness, loneliness and fear. I wanted to give you another chance. Everyone wanted to know why? I couldn't answer them because I didn't know why. There was something in me that moved into place the moment I saw you again. I realized that I had missed you.

We started all over - you and me. This time we tried to get to know more about each other. I never knew we had so much in common. I never knew that you could be sad, afraid...lonely. I never knew that you didn't like the way things were in your family, in your life. I didn't know you at all. It was reflection of your father in you that I had hated so much when we were young.

I fell in love. I fell in love with you...in real you. I loved the way you talked to me making faces and throwing you hands in the air. I loved the way you listened to me  remembering every little thing I said. I loved the way you touched me...no matter if it was a friendly punch on the shoulder or a comforting hug. I loved the way you noticed everything about me - what I wanted, what I needed, what I was thinking. But most of all I loved the way you smiled. I had never seen you smile before. I loved you for being happy.

I knew I had all these feeling in me but I never dared to show them to you. I was afraid you didn't feel the same way about me. I didn't really care because I loved to love you without getting anything back. However, I promised myself that eventually I will tell you. But you were faster. I'll never forget our first kiss. It was like magic. Time around us stopped at that very moment. It was more than perfect. I was happy being together with you. I loved the one I used to loath.

Now it's over. They didn't want me to be happy. They took you from me. I still remember the blood that had reddened your shirt. I remember tears flickering in your eyes. "I'm sorry, love," you said over and over again. And then you were no more. For a moment I hated you once again. I hated you for leaving me behind. I hated you for being so selfish and not taking me with you. But looking at your face, your beautiful peaceful and fearless face,  I loved you. "I'll miss you...." I whispered to you and I was happy because you were gone from this dreadful place full of lies, hatred and dishonesty.

But I still love you even though you are no more.....